Hidden Lover: Regency Men In Love 1 Read online

  Toby shuddered at the memory of the one time he had forgotten to lock the door, after the maid and footmen had delivered his bath, and his uncle had entered the room with a stealthy silence that was otherwise not present in his day-to-day life.

  Toby glanced across the room at his uncle-by-marriage, easily recognizing the sneer on the other man’s lips for exactly what it was. Toby had no doubt that Barford’s reason for disliking him so much was because he also desired him. The triumph Toby could now see in Barford’s gaze also warned him that, now his father was dead, it was only a matter of time until Barford had him.

  Toby repressed a shudder as he raised his chin but did not quite meet the Duke of Sheffield’s gaze. “I shall, of course, obey my father’s last wishes.” There, that sounded grown-up and, dare he hope, earlish.

  The duke turned back to the Barfords. “The matter is settled. Tobias will be coming to live with me.”

  Toby was expected to live with Sheffield?

  How had he missed that part of the conversation?

  Toby tried to think of other wards he had known and whether or not they had been expected to live in the home of their guardian. Admittedly, in most circumstances he could think of, the wards were female, but that did not change the fact they had indeed resided at the home of their guardian up to and often after they came of age.

  For Toby, the thought of living in the same house as Sheffield, of the possibility of seeing and being near that disturbing gentleman every day for the next year, was a daunting one.

  It also begged the question of how Toby could possibly hope to conceal his physical response to this man on a daily basis.

  Chapter Three

  “You are very quiet.” Lucius gazed across his ducal carriage at the pale-faced young man sitting opposite him.

  A very beautiful young man, who, Lucius had discovered these past three days, had the ability to cause his cock to twitch every time he so much as looked at him. Even when he was not looking at him, Lucius found Toby’s unique aroma—pine and earthy young male—as heady as the man himself.

  It had been a flurry of activity in the two days since Daniel’s will named Lucius as guardian to his son. A guardianship he knew Toby had only grudgingly accepted when the alternative was to reside with the Barfords. Lucius was painfully aware that the choice had been made only because the young man’s reticence extended more toward his aunt and uncle than it did to him.

  Nevertheless, this drive was the first time the two of them had actually been alone together as they made the drive from Bishop House to Sheffield House, where that young gentleman was to reside with Lucius for the next year.

  “Tobias?” Lucius prompted sharply when the boy gave no reply to his question.

  “Toby,” he corrected stiffly. “No one but my late grandmother has ever called me Tobias, and I am not sure she even liked me,” he added when Lucius raised a questioning brow.

  “Toby is a child’s name,” Lucius dismissed.

  Angry green-and-gold eyes glittered across at him. “Then I must still be a child. And you,” he continued when Lucius would have spoken, “are no doubt one of those gentlemen who believes ‘making a man of me’ begins with changing the name I have clearly stated is my preference.”

  “Making a man of you?” Lucius’s brows rose as he acknowledged that Daniel had been correct in that his son was no longer a child but a man with a definite mind of his own. As he had demonstrated these past three days. Toby might be young in years, but he possessed a strong will and determination.

  The realization of which made Lucius’s cock completely hard rather than that previous small twitch of awareness.

  At Daniel’s funeral, he had been slightly shocked at the changes he saw in Toby since they last met. The younger man was still slight of build and had golden curls in abundance, but there was a fine-boned musculature to his features now. His pretty face was no longer boyishly rounded but had slimmed down into high cheekbones above hollow cheeks, his jawline unmistakably firm and stubborn.

  Small and fine-boned Toby might be, and probably always would be, but Lucius could no longer see him as a child.

  He honestly wished that he could. It would have made the next year of his life so much easier.

  Admittedly, Toby was not the sort of man Lucius was usually attracted to. Lucius’s own height and size already meant that most, if not all men, were shorter and smaller than he was. As he preferred to be the dominant partner in any sexual liaisons he indulged in, Lucius usually chose lovers who were capable of withstanding his strength and the depth of his physical demands. Toby Bishop, despite his pretty appeal, would be crushed by both the force and excess of those passions.

  If Daniel was right about his son’s sexuality, then Toby would almost certainly be the more submissive partner in any of his encounters. That slender and yet elegant body would break under the demands Lucius would ask of it. He knew many other men who would not care whether or not they caused this lovely young man harm, but Lucius was not one of them.

  If only Toby did not have the prettiest and most pouting red lips Lucius had ever seen…

  “‘Making a man of me’ is a phrase my Uncle Barford is far too fond of making in regard to me,” Toby now snapped in answer to Lucius’s question.

  His lips quirked with derision. “I trust I am nothing like your Uncle Barford. Nor,” he continued firmly, “do I appreciate having words put into my mouth when I have no interest in attempting to change a single thing about you. Why should I when I see nothing wrong with the Toby Bishop that you are now?”

  A delicate blush colored the younger man’s cheeks. Confirming, if Lucius had needed any confirmation, that Daniel had been correct in regard to his son’s sexuality, if a simple compliment from another man could make the boy—young man—blush so prettily.

  “No?” Toby challenged.

  “No,” Lucius confirmed lightly. “Are you trying to provoke an argument with me, Toby? Because if you are, I think I should warn you that you will almost certainly lose.”

  He gave a snort. “I already know that!”

  “But you choose to be confrontational anyway?”

  The young man’s mouth set in a stubborn line. “I fail to see why I could not have continued to reside alone at Bishop House or at my country estates until I reach my majority, instead of being foisted on you by actually living with you in your home for the next year.”

  “You do not intend to return to Oxford in the autumn to finish your studies?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  Toby shrugged. “I left at the beginning of the year in order to be at home and take care of my father. I have since decided I shall not return.”

  The latter statement was a direct challenge Lucius had no intention of answering. If Toby no longer wished to finish his studies, then that was his decision to make. As he was now the Earl of Chelmsford, the young man had other responsibilities in need of his attention. Besides, Daniel had assured Lucius that Toby was already well-read and learned, and Lucius had witnessed that intelligence for himself these past few days.

  He nodded. “Even so, despite what might have happened in the past, your remaining alone at Bishop House or the family estate would not have done at all. Your father is no longer here to offer his protection,” he added as Toby would have protested. “And your uncle, Lord Barford is, to quote your father, a brute and a bully. To allow you to remain living alone in Bishop House, or alone in the country, for any longer than the week since your father died would leave you completely vulnerable to that bullying and his wife’s machinations in regard to the Bishop fortune.”

  Toby’s eyes widened. “But…but at the funeral, you gave me the choice of living with him and my aunt rather than with you.”

  Lucius shrugged. “Because I already knew it was a choice you would not make.”

  The young man stared at him incredulously. “In other words, it was no choice at all.”

  Lucius chuckled. “Does t
hat anger you?”

  Toby was far too befuddled by this man’s close proximity to know how he felt about anything. Sheffield exuded such power, even when sitting supposedly relaxed and at ease on the seat opposite him. He also smelled divine, of sandalwood and spice with an underlying male musk that caused Toby’s palms to sweat and his heart to pound as he now suffered the same erection he had tried so hard to maintain control of, and failed to do so, during the past three days whenever he was near this gentleman.

  It would no doubt result in a serious beating if Sheffield were to notice and take offense and strike him with one of those large, if elegant, hands.

  “No,” he answered huskily, although he made a mental note to take more notice in future of the choices this man supposedly gave him.

  “Good.” Sheffield nodded his satisfaction. “I trust you have brought things with which to entertain yourself during your stay?” He added briskly, “Much of my own time during the day is taken up with business matters, and my evenings are also far too busy to see to your entertainment.”

  Toby bristled. “I am more than capable of finding my own amusement, thank you.”

  “As long as you understand my stable boys and male household staff are not there for your amusement,” Sheffield snapped.

  Toby felt the color drain from his cheeks as he stared across the carriage at the other man.

  Did Sheffield know of Toby’s preference for men?

  One glance at those cool gray eyes was enough to confirm that he did.

  Chapter Four

  “You have eaten very little.”

  Toby’s misery since the duke’s comment in the carriage earlier today was such that he could not even raise his head to look at the other man seated across from him at the dinner table. “I am not hungry.”

  “You are upset.”

  “I am upset,” he confirmed, gaze still lowered to the untouched food on his plate as he desperately attempted to blink back the tears. He could not—would not—humiliate himself by crying like a child in front of this arrogant and confident man.

  “At the loss of your father?” Sheffield probed gently.

  Toby shook his head. “I miss him, of course, but his illness was of such a long duration, I was able to accept I was going to lose him at some time in the near future.”

  “Look at me, Toby.”

  It took all the strength he had to obey the duke’s instruction and raise his head.

  Instead of the condemnation or disgust he had expected to see in Sheffield’s piercing gray eyes, he instead found only regret. “I am sorry if my remark in the carriage earlier today upset you. I was perhaps a little…blunt, in my comment.”

  Toby swallowed. “Why did you say such a thing to me at all?”

  The duke sighed. “Your father told me of your sexual preference before he died.”

  Toby gave a pained frown. “Why would he do that?”

  “Perhaps so that I might be there to help you if you needed me to do so.”

  He snorted softly. “And is that help to be in the form of dissuading me from pursuing the perversity of my sexual inclinations?”

  Sheffield frowned. “I believe I told you not to put words in my mouth, boy,” he bit out before visibly forcing the tension from his wide shoulders. “You cannot be held responsible for the manner in which God made you,” he added in a gentler voice.

  “Others believe I can.”

  The older man winced. “Well, I am not one of them. Is there currently anyone…special in your life?”

  Toby shook his head. “The boys at school were all for experimenting in giving each other pleasure with their hands and mouth. Until they realized how much I enjoyed it, and how…how attached I had become to one of them.” His cheeks blushed a fiery red. “Then I became the focus of their taunts and practical jokes, including his.”

  “There has been no one since?”

  Toby shuddered. “I have made other friends while at university, but not in that way. I have not dared nor felt it safe to reveal my sexual desires since leaving school.”

  Lucius drew his breath in sharply at Toby’s confession of innocence. Experimentation and masturbation with members of one’s same-sex peers while at school was both natural and accepted. Becoming emotionally fond of one of those peers was not.

  It did not surprise Lucius that the experience had soured Toby’s libido in regard to pursuing an attraction since.

  But the knowledge of Toby’s virginity also made Lucius’s own cock rock hard and throbbing as he imagined being the one to introduce this young man to all the pleasures that might be found in another man’s arms.

  He now accepted his remark earlier today, when he talked of Toby not “amusing” himself with his grooms or male members of his household staff, had been made out of a dislike of the thought of Toby’s pale limbs being entwined with and caressed by any other man but Lucius.

  A knowledge which told Lucius he must be more vigilant in keeping his distance from this young and desirable man. “I shall be going out to my club in a short while.” Lucius’s decision was a spontaneous one, made out of a need to find a gentleman at that club with whom he might alleviate some of the sexual frustration which had been building these past three days and which, now that Toby was actually residing in his home, threatened to slip his control.

  Lucius would be lying to himself if he did not admit that he not only found Toby attractive but had also grown to admire him during the days since the funeral.

  Despite the grief Toby was obviously suffering, and his youth, Lucius had witnessed the young man’s kindness and understanding toward all the servants at Bishop House. Several of the maids had actually burst into tears in his presence, only to be taken in that young man’s arms and comforted until they regained their composure.

  The dignity with which Toby had left Bishop House earlier today was also something to be admired as he presented a gift to each and every member of that household as a keepsake until he returned to live there with them in one year’s time. During his absence, they would keep the house both aired and functional, ready for their young master’s return.

  But admiration was a dangerous emotion for Lucius to feel toward a young man to whom he already knew he was inexplicably attracted.

  Except Toby had no idea that Lucius’s inclinations matched his own. Nor, Lucius had decided, would he. Despite what Daniel had asked of him, Lucius had not succeeded in avoiding the ridicule and subsequent repercussions for all these years of what others would call his unnatural desires, only to leave himself open to that vulnerability now. He knew it was not what Daniel had expected of him, and Lucius fully intended to do his best for Toby, but without the danger of admitting that his own sexual preference matched this young man’s.

  “May I come with you?” Toby now asked shyly.

  Lucius almost choked on the wine he had just sipped.

  The club he was going to was a private one and had been founded by Lucius and three other single gentlemen ten years ago. Men who desired to conduct their sexual relations with discretion and in privacy.

  Toby looked at Lucius from beneath long pale lashes tipped with gold. “After the sadness of the past few days, I would appreciate an evening out.” The fullness of his bottom lip had now become a pout.

  Lucius bit his own top lip to stop himself from smiling at this obvious, if endearing, machination. Unfortunately, he could not allow Toby to even begin to suspect Lucius might be a man who was susceptible to this pouting form of entreaty.

  He threw his napkin down on the table before standing. “It is not a club for young gentlemen such as yourself.”

  Toby also rose, an angry flush now darkening his cheeks. “Is that because you would feel embarrassed to be seen out with me?” he challenged.

  “Why should I be embarrassed?” he demanded to know.

  Toby bit out his resentment. “Because I am not manly enough to introduce to your friends.”

  “Toby…”

  That fl
ush remained high in the young man’s cheeks. “I have attended gentlemen’s clubs before.”

  Lucius’s eyes narrowed. “What clubs have you attended and with whom?” If he learned that Toby had been anywhere near The Apollo Club, he would pull the boy’s breeches down this instant, put him over his knee, and spank the shapely globes of his arse—

  Dear God, he should not even have noticed that Toby had a shapely arse.

  “Club Venus. The Aphrodite. Devil’s Club,” Toby listed off the names of several fashionable London gentlemen’s clubs. “I have visited all of them at one time or another with some of the friends I made during my time at university,” he added defiantly.

  Lucius had visited all those clubs in the past too, knew all of them were, without exception, establishments where half-clothed women exclusively roamed the public salons and there were private rooms in abundance in which gentlemen could take those ladies for more intimate entertainments. Both the lady and the room were available for the right price.

  The Apollo Club, on the surface of things, was known purely as a club where gentleman congregated in order to escape, for a few hours, the company of their womenfolk. A place to eat a leisurely dinner or merely enjoy a glass or two of brandy in male company.

  On the surface of things.

  Each and every one of the gentlemen wishing to be a member of the Apollo was thoroughly vetted in order to ensure they were not a spy for the authorities before that membership was granted. Such caution was necessary, even amongst gentlemen of Society, when the penalties were so harsh for what others deemed as sexual perversion.

  Lucius and his three friends ensured The Apollo Club was a safe and comfortable place for male lovers of Society to meet and enjoy each other’s company. It was not a brothel, nor were there any young men employed there to act as such. There were waiters and kitchen staff, of course, but they were not there for the consumption of the patrons. Very often, there was not even a physical coupling between members, merely the wish to spend time together where they did not have to pretend to be something they were not.